How many times have you been guilty of trying to help someone change, only to realize you were fighting a losing battle? You took up the lost cause and made it your responsibility to try and help them see and become the person you knew they could be, if only they could FINALLY get their act together.
You tried harder, imagined that if you loved them more or invested more of your time into them, they would finally come around, only to be disappointed time and time again by the realization that you couldn’t “fix” them or they wouldn’t change, not even for you.
If you find yourself constantly bailing someone out of trouble and making excuses for his or her terrible choices or behavior, it is time for you to step back, quit playing therapist and accept the fact that you don’t have power to change anyone. You can influence and even inspire people to change but what you can’t do is, MAKE them change.
People are who they are and most often show themselves to be. You set yourself up to be thoroughly disappointed and hurt when you try to convince yourself that they are other than who they have demonstrated time and time to be.
Every time you dismiss red flags about people and don’t allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions and choices, you rob them of the opportunity of ever making the necessary changes and in many ways stunt their growth. As long as they know that you are willing to put up with or support them in their bad behavior, they will lack the motivation to change.
It is said that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. People are capable of and do sometimes make changes, usually on their own and upon realization that their actions and behavior are unhealthy and hurtful to both them and those they love.
Change is most often desired when people get to the point when enough is enough and they no longer recognize the person they have become. True change is only possible when one realizes the need for change and is committed to taking the necessary steps and staying dedicated to the process change entails.
Do yourself a favor and accept the fact that, the only person you are capable of changing and should invest time in trying to change, if need be, is you. Make the business of handling your business, your business and stop playing Therapist.